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Spring Clean

Spring time feels good, bringing us new energy and motivation which puts the spring back into our step. Feeling motivated to clean our home, as we open the windows to allow the fresh air in. The birds singing becomes noticeable and the warmth of the sunshine is a welcome touch on our skin as an up lifting tonic (which it is). Nature feels alive again as we prepare for summertime. Extended daylight hours all signify summer is just around the corner.
Spring cleaning your home is regarded as essential, so not why spring clean of your mind, clearing away stress and troubled thoughts that are keeping you out of sync?
Here are just a few indicators you may be suffering from stress related conditions.
Feeling intolerant of others, “Its everyone else”.
Noise affects me, I’m struggling to switch off?
I’m feeling moody, overwhelmed, agitated, and frustrated.
I can’t concentrate.
I can’t remember things.
I haven’t got an opinion, I’m not sure?
I fly off the handle easily.
My energy levels are low.
Sleep issues – I can get to sleep, BUT I can’t stay asleep. (Poor sleep patterns)
I struggle to switch off
I overthink.
My appetite is poor OR I can’t stop eating.
I don’t want to spend time with others (Family, Friends)
These are just a few reasons to spring clean your mind. How can I do this I hear you say?
If you are suffering from any of the above then yes it’s time for a well-deserved spring clean. Stress in moderation is good as it serves as a motivator, however, continual stress effects our brain and can take us down deeper and deeper into a tunnel of negativity (which has no benefit to the human being) and the continual levels of stress keeps cortisol levels high which in turn is toxic.
Ask yourself – Am I a human doer or a being? The doer is doing and does not allow any time to just be. Noticing and naming those irrational thoughts can help you change the way you feel.
Are you stressed out under workload pressure, work related stress with colleagues or boss.
Have you a family dilemma where you feel isolated within yourself and believe there is no solution, are you taking on more that you need resulting in a stressed out person.
Mind, body and soul is our three dimensional connection. If one is out of sync, this will place the whole-being out of balance. Maybe you could do with some talking therapies to help you restore that balance and feel in control.
I offer FREE half hour face to face initial consultation, just call 07907654507 to discuss how your balance can be restored.

Reality OR Illusion!

 

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Whilst at home this week due to adverse weather conditions (snowing), I’m watching out of my window as I write. Being off, provided me with an opportunity to sample some daytime TV. As I tuned in, I witnessed four female presenters criticising “The Kardashian’s”. A large photograph appeared on the screen showing female members of this very famous family with weight tags attached to them! The presenters’ were outraged, and rightly so, as they pointed out the psychological influence these unnecessary messages can have on people’s self-worth not forgetting our very impressionable young.
We believe and listen to our internal voice, full of self-criticism about our appearance and weight to name just a couple. We absolutely believe …“If I think it, then it must be true” whilst that harsh wagging finger of disapproval screams “I’m not good-enough” these crushing beliefs emerge up inside us like “Poseidon” (the Greek God of the sea) with those powerful and encompassing judgements, therefore allowing yet again the thrashing far greater than we would tolerate from others.

 

So let’s just look at the actual reality here. A very wealthy US reality show, hyped up by the media to entertain us lesser mortals. The fantasy is about “living the dream” of the celebrity lifestyle? So, it’s not for the majority of us. We believe our lives are bland in comparison. The reality is we do the best we can with what we have, hopefully finding inspiration along the way to fulfil our hopes and dreams.
Back to the programme, guest speaker Catrin Pugh talked about her horrendous bus accident abroad, whilst on a gap year. Sadly the driver died and Catrin sustained 96% burns, resulting in facial and body disfigurement. I found her inspirational and highly motivated as she revealed how she changed her life, after what could only be describes as a harrowing ordeal. Catrin states … “Every time I give a talk I feel good about myself” self-acceptance is the key, sheer determination to survive and live a contented life is about turning the negatives into positives.

The presenter continued by asking… “Do we know, or even need to know, the weight of Florence Nightingale”? A pioneer to the nursing profession”. Other renowned names were also mentioned, giving their inspirational ideas and leadership qualities in which this had nothing to do with their weight, size or looks. So, as for the Kardashian’s, is the illusion really our reality? Just because it’s presented, doesn’t mean its fact. The reality is “its entertainment” it sells airtime!
So my message is don’t let the illusion trick you into believing its reality, when in reality it isn’t. Just like our untruthful inner voice it can deceive us!

Its January, New year New You ?

Hey lovely people, greetings with a huge welcome and a very Happy New Year to you all ☺.
Christmas feels so last year, don’t you think? A time of new aspirations and asking ourselves what our new year has in store ? The reality is, it’s just another day. It’s a continuum of day’s merging into nights, as the cycle of season’s naturally unfolds, in which we have no control.

New Year’s resolution, yep, a topic on most people’s lips as we enter a fresh new January! Some of us have tried the “resolution thing” in passed years and decided against participating, whilst others become resolute in bringing changes to whatever they see fit.

So, good old January brings our gyms full to capicity, more people are out running and the diets clubs once again are bursting at he seams. Januarys enthusiasm fills us with the very best of intentions (you can see where I’m going with this), from giving up smoking to introducing a vape. “2018 is gonna be my year” some of us say. Social media, TV, advertisements all inviting us to participate in various campaigns such as dry January (alcohol free) the list becomess endless.

Christmas takes up the whole month of December, where we are encouraged to eat, drink and be merry. So a new year brings a freshness to inspire us about new beginnings, so let’s  say goodbye to those unwanted habit’s or maybe addiction. Sadly, statistical evidence suggests that within 6 weeks, 80% fail to (if not already) give up their new regime. It’s all over, due to feeling deprived about the very thing they wanted to stop, but couldn’t. Aren’t we complex beings I hear you say, its all part of the human condition. We’re pleasure seekers by nature.

PLEASE NOTE – Change is extremely difficult,  its like bending metal with our bare hands. The thought of a new you is now diminishing, the reality is were back in our comfort zone.

So, how can I bring about change you may ask – Well exploring yourself is a good start, alongside talking therapies. Willpower alone is not enough? You see we don’t just wake up one morning and say “I’m gonna make changes in my life”. No, sadly that’s all too simple. We only bring about change when we face difficulties that we can no longer tolerate. We play psychological games with ourselves.
We are the biggest game players in our heads. The game (behaviour) stops once the players no longer wishes to participate and becomes honest with ourself.

If you wish to bring about change that will no doubt benefit you in the long run, then call me for your FREE face-to-face (half hour) consultation 07907654507 and together we can start implementing those much wanted changes for a New You In the New year.

The 12 Tips of Christmas.

 

Well were here – It’s the beginning of December – Halloween has literally turned its back and the Christmas hype is upon us.

So far I’ve managed to avoid the pre-contemplating Christmas planning, as it seems to start earlier each year! But, it’s now the beginning of December and our attention is picking up pace as we become fully focused as the 25th day of December draws ever closer.

 The season’s theme of Christmas is well and truly threaded through every advert, jingle, music, films, food, alcohol, ideal gift! Its everywhere we turn, feels like there’s no escape.

So by the time Christmas Eve arrives the majority of us are exhausted.

For me to enjoy this time of year I regard the month of December as ‘Our Winter Festival’

Keeps the season exciting, fresh and magical, whilst minimising that inner pressure.

For some Christmas is just the most wonderful time of year, others find it’s more of an endurance trip ending in fatigue! Or that dreaded financial drain!

Whilst were busy with our activities and whom we are sharing these times with there are those amongst us who experience loneliness and isolation during Christmas which feels cruel during those cold months of winter.

Christmas holiday can bring about a whole blend of emotions from family obligations to isolation. Hopelessness, anxiety, depression and can strike from all walks of life. The past can haunt, the loss of loved one who’s no longer with us, Childhood Stuff can immerge that we would rather forget.

 It’s the season to be jolly so here’s my Top 12 survival tips for Christmas time.

1)  RELAX with a Smile (that comes from within) – nice soft breaths.

 2)  Don’t ignore your needs or feelings – Do what feels right for you – cry or let off steam!

 3)  Say Thank you, 2 little words means so so much.

 4)  Give and Accept compliment’s (feels wonderful).

5)  Laugh – find the WOW in the NOW – The Fun, look for humour

6)  Slow down – Make one list and stick to it, logically work through it.

 7)  Pamper time is vital – Long bubble bath with some candles – Create your own space.

 8)  Read something (My Blog) listen to Music, Ring a Friend and share something. 

9)  Dress as well as you can to feel good within, some good self-care.

10) Be Kind to you. Be Positive, Look on the bright side.

11) Minimise your expectations around others behaviours, harmony, family feuds, (it is only one day) put things in perspective.

12) ENJOY Yourself.

Happy Christmas to you and yours may it be filled with fun, laughter and happiness

Looking forward to seeing you early January 2018 for my New Year’s blog xxx

 

 

My top 10 tips to ensure you take some good self-care.

I share this message with all my clients…

We are ALL fallible human beings, were just visiting this planet for a very short space of time. So, whilst here recognise and embrace your own uniqueness, accept yourself for who you are. Love YOU, because you are important.

Top 10 tips on good self-care.
1) Stop competing, be kind to yourself by doing positive things (you like).
2) Set yourself a challenge and stick to it (keep it simple if need be).
3) Be in the moment… the here and now… observe what you’re doing.
4) Focus on the positive aspects of your life.
5) Change that negative self-talk into a positive self-talk.
6) Respect and listen to how you talk to yourself and others.
7) Have fun, bring the WOW factor into your days, and add some colour.
8) Get some support. Learn how to break the cycle.
9) Get with nature – look at what’s around you
10) Enjoy the seasons and embrace your day.

Folkestone Therapist Maggie Haines Discusses Self Compassion.

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Folkestone therapist Maggie Haines would like you to take a minute and consider this statement… How much do I love me?”

Do I offer myself a strong self-compassionate set of skills? The majority of us do not and were not shown how to be Benevolent towards ourselves.

What is self-Compassion I hear you ask?

Well its actually something were great at offering and giving to “others” all the time! BUT what about the self, the one person who matters to ourselves? Yes you.  Next time you make a mistake? Or look in the mirror, listen to your internal words that you tell yourself over and over again? Words are power and harsh words are incredibly damaging against your inner-self and impacts heavily on your self-esteem? So ask your self am I my worst critic? Think about this, if somebody spoke to you as harshly as you speak to you how would you feel or react?

I should imagine you would drop them from your life!!! So why continue to disrespect and hurt yourself over and over again?

How can I stop doing this to myself you may well ask?

Well its all about good positive self-talk and learning how to talk to yourself  AND how to love yourself (as you love others). Talking therapies does just that it helps you build your self-esteem and learn how to be self-compassionate so you can feel better whilst changing your relationship with yourself.

What will these changes meant for you?

They will mean empowerment, self respect with love and kindness which is what you deserve… isn’t it?

So if  you are engaging in damaging internal dialogue and would like to change it around to adopt some self-love, then please give me a call on 07907 654 507 you have absolutely nothing to lose or fear BUT plenty to gain. I can arrange a free half hour consultation where we can  discuss how you can build on developing your self-worth, love you as you become more aware of your own importance. Positive daily affirmation… “I am the most important person in your life”.

 

 

 

Questions to ask when looking for a therapist ?

what questions to ask when looking for a therapist

Talking therapies is the way forward these days. Learning about ourselves and developing self-awareness is key to personal growth and maturity. How can you  bring about change to yourself/situation if you are unable to identify how to fix it! Therapy is fast becoming the norm, as a society we have become more and more dependant on the GP, placing high expectations on fixing us? In fact, we can fix our selves with some support and guidance. Still contemplating counselling, psychotherapy or coaching? the title is actually irrelevant and all amount’s to the same thing really, a therapist helps you to work on yourself and analyse a situation or repetitive behaviours that keep you stuck and feel unable to move forward – personal growth – Just repeating the same stuff and expecting a different result?… do you feel like you’re going round in circles? are you dizzy yet!

Trying to find the right therapist to help you overcome your predicament can be a nightmare, and can have disastrous consequences if you don’t carry out some precautionary checks first. There are people working in this field who have no qualifications or training. Let me give you some guidance in making an informed choice, I have put together 5 questions to ask any therapist before you consider parting with your cash, which is hard to earn and very easy to spend.

1.   Which therapy are you qualified in and where did you study?
You would be amazed how many “therapists” have no qualifications, or have completed a weekend course somewhere.  Worse still, they may have set themselves up because they are a past sufferer and now feel that they can help others. Ensure that they are fully trained and part of a recognised society. A fully qualified therapist can evidence their qualifications and show you.

.2.   Have you taken out insurance for public liability?
Every therapist should have insurance to protect him/herself, and also to protect the client. Although rare, things can go wrong in therapy and it is important that all parties are fully protected.

3. How often do I need to come and how much do you charge?
Always discuss terms and conditions with your therapist around the procedure when and how to booked appointments, time constraints if early or late for your session, cancellations policy and fees all relevant so both parties are fully aware as misunderstandings may cause upsets.

4.   If I hire you, can you confirm that you will personally carry out this support?
Many therapists offer support but, when you ring them, you get a nameless face on the other end of the line. It is important that you are receiving personal support from the therapist and not the receptionist. This person may not be qualified at the same level as your therapist.

5. How will I know you are the right therapist for me ?
When hiring a therapist, it is important that the therapist and the client has a good working relationship, and there is mutual trust. If you feel doubts that the therapist is not for you go somewhere else, if you feel okay and wish to go ahead try six – eight sessions and review together and discuss how its going and what you want!

So, there you are!   Do not be embarrassed to ask these questions, and any more you can think off.  Any competent therapist will be glad that you are making the effort to choose the best therapist for your problem.  If the therapist is unable to answer your questions fully, it might be worth looking elsewhere.

 

 

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Stress

I’m living under stress? I want it to go away ? NOW!!!

We are all infallible human beings, all susceptible to stress, research suggests that one in four of us will experience anxiety as a result of built up tensions at some time in our lives. The effects of stress results in:

Irritability – low tolerance of ourselves and especially around others ?
Restlessness resulting in poor quality of sleep?
Making bad food choices, and feeling it…
Negative thoughts, self-talk  remunerating –  thoughts constantly going round and round in our minds!!!

 

 

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Holly Oaks star Stephanie Davies thinks so

Benefits of Counselling?

Talking Therapies are for anyone ?

There are many reasons for seeing a therapist. You may be feeling low or upset, confused about your feelings, having conflicting thoughts! Experiencing relationship difficulties! Family issues, Frustration, Feeling in a rut and not knowing where to turn?

You may have a sudden life crisis such as bereavement, Relationship break-up or considering it! Loss or change of job – Retirement. Victim of crime – left feeling anxious, depressed or maybe life is not making any sense? No situation is impossible!

Why not come in and have an initial assessment and see if its for you!

During talking therapies, a trained therapist listens to you and helps you find your own answers to problems, without judging you.

The therapist provides a space to talk, cry, shout or just think. It’s offers you an opportunity to look at your situation in a different way with someone who will respect you and your opinions.

Usually, you’ll talk one-to-one with the therapist. Sometimes talking treatments are held in groups or couples, such as relationship counselling.

Although there are lots of different types of talking therapies, they all have a similar aim: to help you feel better. Talking therapies doesn’t make problems go away, but find a way forward making it easier to cope and feel happier.

The benefits are enormous:

  • Someone willing to listen
  • Gain insight around personal issues, emotional needs, habits and patterns of behaviour.
  • Develop self-awareness
  • Grow in confidence and be totally you.
  • Personal growth and Maturity.
  • Confidential service offering a change to bring about change.
  • It maybe easier to talk to a stranger ( Qualified) than family & Friends!

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Self Esteem! I’m Not Good Enough…

2001 brought about Channel 4’s Big Brother reality show, initially designed as a social experiment to observe how people interacted in a confined space with nothing but each other to focus on. Cameras in the made-up home were everywhere! Whilst we watched eagerly the producers behind the scenes were busy editing and controlling what they felt was good viewing with the sole purpose to up the ratings to gain a successful series at whatever cost (the participants and their families)The programme invited us the general public into a world of voyeurism like nothing we had experienced on television. The birth of reality shows was upon us, bringing Joe public into our homes each night for X number of weeks, therefore, encouraging us all to put our private lives on show. Big Brothers watching… WOW… how entertaining for us and the prospect of the shock factor! Each series brought along more hype and more and more ‘OMG’ moments!

Social Media is now a very similar. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc… All a huge part of life and for some a platform to display how well life is treating them, whilst others feel left out or left behind, triggering inferiority “ I’m not feeling good enough” that troublesome internal negative voice deep within.

We’re constantly bombarded by people updating their status to see how whose achieving what, what’s cool, what’s NOT cool, the best government – even our MPS are expected to appear as celebrities on our television screens and the media insisting that a public debate takes place in order to tear shreds out of each other!
What is that doing to their inner being? Who would want to withstand that public ridicule? Sadly, a constant reminder of “YOUR’E NOT GOOD ENOUGH” is drip fed to each of us on a daily basis.
So, what can you to do to protect yourself against feeling not as good as the next person?
How can you relieve the rising pressure building up inside?
How can you reduce the rising levels of stress and anxiety, that low mood or even depression?

Note to self ‘NOBODY’ from whatever walk of life can maintain the Perfect Life, Perfect Job, or Perfect Family with Perfect Children!!! Appearances can be very deceptive, especially on social media where you can control what parts you choose to show. It’s often an illusion and if were not feeling very self-assured or life happens to be throwing us a difficult time (which happens to every person at some point in life), we can easily fall under the spell of feeling disillusioned, and not actually seeing the actual reality, only seeing what we believe “WE DO NOT HAVE “or feeling unable to keep up with the competition. It’s a pressure!

My message for you is this, (which I share with my clients).
We are not infallible human beings, were just visiting this planet for a very short space of time. So, embrace your uniqueness and accept yourself for who you are. Love YOU, you’re important.

Here’s my top 10 tips to ensure you take on some good self-care.
1) Stop competing, be kind to yourself by doing positive things (you like).
2) Set yourself a challenge and stick to it (keep it simple if need be).
3) Be in the moment… the here and now… observe what you’re doing.
4) Focus on the positive aspects of your life.
5) Change that negative self-talk into a positive self-talk.
6) Respect and listen to how you talk to yourself and others.
7) Have fun, bring the WOW factor into your days, and add some colour.
8) Get some support. Learn how to break the cycle.
9) Get with nature – look at what’s around you
10) Enjoy the seasons and embrace your day

self-esteem